The Akatsuki Auditions
by Hagane-sama
Summary: Pein is now holding Auditions for Akatsuki. Rated M for lots of crackfic and wtf type humor. Warning: Contains many spoilers
1. Commencement

Hello Everyone and Welcome to Akatsuki Auditions. For those of those reading clearly, yes, I said Akatsuki Auditions. I am your host, Hagane. Now, let's begin. 

Soon enough, a large room is seen on display. It is extremely large, at least three hundred yards long and wide.. The walls are black with red clouds scattered all around and there is a pure white rug on the ground. Two people are seen in the room. One, is Pain, leader of the notorious Akatsuki, and the other, is a tall, muscular man with long, silky blueish-white hair and steel blue eyes. He is wearing body plate armor under a simply black robe.

He soon speaks up with a smirk. "Today, Pain has realized that the Akatsuki are dying because their weak." Pain looks over at Hagane blankly with a twitching eyebrow seen. His face soon twists into an angry glare as he looks towards Hagane. Hagane gives Pain a smile and Pain twitches some more. "We are not-"

Hagane soon slaps a **"No talky talky" **sticker on Pain's mouth. Pain looks down at the sticker and attempts to rip it off slowly. He fails miserably at this however and grimaces. Hagane soon runs off over and rips the sticker off his mouth. Pain flinches. As Pain's about to say something, Hagane interrupts him. "Do you want me to help you with this or not?" Pain stands there in complete silence as he thinks for a moment. Pain twitches slightly as he tries to hold in his anger to the situation at hand. He puts his hand over his face and growls through his teeth before giving in.

"That's what I thought, you bitch ass wannabe surveillance system." Pain twitches at hearing that in fury as flames of evil are seen in his eyes. "Tell me, why haven't I killed you yet?" Hagane chuckles and begins to smile awkwardly at Pain. Pain continues to twitch.

"Because you can't kill me in this room." Hagane says as he soon points to sign in the corner of the room. The sign states that the Host is omnipotent and all godly Pain stares blankly at the sign for several minutes, attempting to completely digest what he is reading. His upper lip twitches as his mouth is held agape and he stammers slightly. Finally, he gives up and sighs.

"Great...just get this over with already." Hagane soon laughs towards Pain with an evil glimmer in his eye. Pain at this point has succumbed to the fact that he might as well not make things worse and is simply waiting for this to end. "So yes, back to the issue at hand. Today, we are going to hold Auditions for people to join Akatsuki. However, all that enter never leave. Just ask Pain."

Pain twitches at hearing that, clearly remembering the numerous attempts he made to leave. Walls were indestructable, there were no windows, the only door was impossible to open no matter what jutsu he attempted to use. For two weeks he tried and eventually gave up.

"I haven't seen rain in three weeks...fucking room has no windows" Hagane laughs hysterically at Pain's circumstances and shakes his head. It was fun to be almighty and everything and tormenting Pain was what made it evermore the glamorous for him. "So yes, and our judges will be the remaining members of...oh wait, there really isn't any remaining." Hagane says with a smirk.

"AHEM!!!" Out of nowhere, a blue haired girl wearing an Akatsuki robe soon appears to the left of Pain. She glares at Hagane in annoyance as Hagane yawns and pays no attention to her. Konan twitches and soon flicks an origami kunai at Hagane. Hagane simply brushes it out of the way and laughs. "Does Konan really count as an Akatsuki member though? I thought she was just your bitch Pain."

Pain chuckles and simply shrugs at that statement. He thought about it for a moment and smiled non-chalantly. "She's a little bit of both." Konan soon blushes a bright shade of pink and proceeds to try to talk but stammers at hearing what Pain said. After a couple seconds, she begins to pout and not long after, regains her composure.

"What you mean a _LITTLE BIT OF BOTH?!?!?!_" Hagane soons has seen this as a brilliant opportunity. He ponders for a couple of seconds before a lightbulb shines above his head. He then grins evilly. "In other words, he's saying your both a member of Akatsuki and his little slut. Seriously Konan, your almost as bad as Karin."

As if summoned by her name, a slutty redhead woman with a bad taste in style soon enters the room. Karin twitches excessively at hearing the previous statement from Hagane. "Hey, I'm not as bad as her, I'm not made of friggin toilet paper."

Konan soon glares at Karin with flaming daggers of anger and annoyance. Karin proceeds to dodge these daggers. Pain, at this point, stares dumbfoundedly at the two and then, coming to a realization, looks over towards Hagane in confusions. "How the hell she get in here and why is she here?" Hagane laughs outloud towards Pain and soon, points at the sign in the corner of the room again. He then begins to laugh some more with a sigh.

"She's the first auditioner." Pain, without hesitation, pulls out a stamp and looks to his right to see a board with auditioners names on it. Next to Karin's name, he stamps it. It clearly reads

**KARIN: FAIL**

"Fail, I don't let ugly bitches join Akatsuki. Next."

Pain says as he shudders. Karin, at this point, stares venomous daggers towards Pain as she twitches unctrollably and stammers as she tries to regain her compsure. "_EXCUSE ME DICKHEAD?!?!?!?_" Karin says in a fury.

"Serves you right, Bitch"Konan says as she giggles. "Look who's talking, slut. Gotta let your man fight all your battles." Karin says venomously towards Konan.

Konan and Karin battle back and forth. At hearing the latest retort of Karin, Konan literally fumes and steams before sighing and regaining her composure. In a thought of brilliance, Konan constructs a life-size replica of Sasuke from Origami. Karin immediately snuggles it with a loud YAY and proceeds to rape it. A couple seconds later, Konan blows up the Origami Sasuke, instantly killing Karin. Hagane soon sighes and revives Karin. Pain twitches a bit at seeing this.

"What the fuck? But...oh right, omnipotent. But, why?" Pain asks towards Hagane as he smirks and stares at the three of them. "Sluts and future catfights will make this much more amusing as the story goes on."

Pain, Konan, and Karin soon stare at each other in confusion before all together yelling out

**Story?!?!?**

Hagane soon laughs to himself and sighs outloud. "Nevermind. Next auditioner." Hagane says as soon enough, a large plume of smoke occurs and soon after, a random person jumps in. The person is wearing the trademark Akatsuki robes it would seem. He appears to have long blond hair and blue eyes.

"Art is a bang, un." Deidara says as he makes a flashy entrance. Pain and Konan soon stare at each other blankly with there mouths wide open. They both try to come up with words but fail miserably and begin to twitch at seeing Deidara again."Isn't he fucking dead?" Konan and Pain soon ask in confusion.

Hagane soon chuckles and points to the sign in the back of the room and laughs some more.

"Was." Hagane says plainly.

Pain simply shrugged his shoulders. "Why you bring back this transvestite?" Deidara turns towards Pain and gives him a death glare. "What you mean Transvestite, un?"

Pain soon grits his teeth and shakes his head. "Say "un" again at the end of your sentences and I will castrate you."

Everyone in the room soon grows silent. Deidara stammers a bit soon enough while Karin and Konan begin to giggle. Hagane simply smirks. "And by Transvestite, I mean your part man, part woman, and all retarded."

Deidara's eyebrow angrily twitches as he listens to Pain. Deidara's mouth on his hand even begins to growl a little while gritting it's teeth. "At least my bitches don't light on fire from rug burn." Deidara says while blatantly pointing to Konan.

Pain twitches slightly while hearing that as he looks down towards his desk. Karin begins to cackle towards Konan. "Oooo...burn." Karin says in a mocking tone. Pain squirms under the tension in the room as everyone is staring a at him. A sweatdrop falls down from his face and he looks up, defeated.

"That only happened once..." Pain says with defeat in his tone. At hearing this, Karin and Deidara jaws literally hit the ground as they try to comprehend the little bit of information they were just give. "THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED?!?!?" Everyone soon yells out in shock.

Konan begins to Blush furiously at witnessing all this. She soon glares angrily at Pain and smashes Pain over the head with an Origami hammer. Pain yelps and begins to rub the back of his head in defeat. He then sighs as he grabs a stamp and stamps the board as it reads.

**DEIDARA: FAIL**

"But yes, Deidara, your not accepted."

Pain says casually. Deidara begins to do a double take and squints towards the board. "What? Was good enough before but not anymore, u-...unmnmnm...unmnmnmnmn...Dammit it all to hell, un. Fuck it, I can't help it, un." Deidara says before giving up.

Pain then stares blankly at Deidara and tries to ignore Deidara's attempt to not say Un at the end of his sentences. "No, If we ever leave this room, once you leave, you'll probably return to being dead." Pain points out towards Deidara.

"If you say so." Deidara replies as he scoffs. Hagane soon interrupts and smirks towards Pain. "Oh, and by the way, you don't decide who joins or doesn't Pain." Hagane says with a toothy grin.

"Then why the hell am I here?"

"Why shouldn't you be?"

Pain hearing this simply stares blankly at Hagane before throwing his hand up. "Forget it." Pain retorts as he gives up.

"Those that get accepted will be decided by me Via various methods." Hagane says while flicking a ladybug off his finger. Everyone soon twitches while staring at Hagane. "Various?" Everyone says in interest.

Hagane soon snickers and laughs to himself. Everyone just stares blankly at Hagane and then, proceed to grumble. "It's up to me, some omnipotent friends of mine, and our fans."

Hagane says while shrugging. Pain soon gives Hagane a curious look while raising his eyebrows. "Fans?" Pain says in annoyance. "Why them?" Konan says with a look of confusion in her eyes. "Is Sasuke-kun one of your fans?" Karin says with a look of lust in her eyes. "Are any of your fans artists?" Deidara asks with a look of hope in his eyes.

"Yes, Fans. Why, just because. Sasuke? No, not a fan last I knew. Artists? Probably all of them." Hagane says with a smile on his face. Konan proceeds to stare blankly at Hagane while Deidara proceeds to dance with Joy. Karin simply pouts and begins to rape her Sasuke plushi in the corner. Pain soon pays unuals attention to Karin's antics and stares at the scene with interest. Konan, fumes up and smashes Pain over the head repeatedly with an Origami hammer.

"Well, that's all for now-" Hagane begins to say before he is interrupted.

"WAIT!!!!!" Jiraiya screams out from nowhere. Everyone soon stares blankly at Jiriaya as he bursts into the room. "Jiraiya is here for the lovely ladies." Jiraiya says with a smile.

Deidara snorts at hearing Jiraiya and scoffs towards Karin and Konan. "You mean the sluts?" Deidara says before throwing his arms up to defend himself. Karin and Konan then proceed to beat on Deidara with various objects. Deidara proceeds to flee into the corner of the room. Jiraiya soon does a big thumbs up as he shows off a large, toothy grin. "I heard there was going to be an audition for a sexy man to satisfy the **SEXY LADIES!!!!**"

Jiraiya boasts proudly. Pain blinks hardly and tries to translate what the hell is going on in Jiraiya's mind. "A-KAT-SUKI auditions you perverted hermit. Not A SEXY, AKATSUKI!!!" Pain points out in aggravation. Jiraiya soon grimaces at his error. "What the hell?" Jiraiya says as he looks around.

"The Sexy man and ladies auditions are two doors down but, your in here now so too late." Hagane said with an evil grin. Jiraiya soon flails as a stream of tears flows down his face. "No, what about my _RESEARCH?!?!?!?_" Jiraiya cries about in horror. Deidara soon chuckles at Jiraiya's depression and smirks. "Like I said, there are two sluts in this room." Deidara says while pointing at Karin and Konan.

"Are they sexy Sluts?" Jiraiya asks with a hopeful gleem in his eye. "One of them has blue hair and is made of paper and the other was formerly a sex slave of Orochimaru turned into Sasuke's love slave." Deidara says casually with a grin.

Karin soon stops raping her Sasuke plushie in the corner to glare angrily at Deidara. "I've never done anything with Orochimaru!!!" Karin yells out in anger. Konan blinks hardly at glares at Deidara.

"I'm not a slut" Konan says to herself. Pain soon smirks. "I beg to differ." Pain says while in mid-sprint. Konan then proceeds to chase Pain around the room with an origami frying pan.

"Ah, no sexy ladies in here then." Jiraiya says as he sadly looks down to the floor. Karin and Konan soon stop and begin to glare at Jiraiya. "I AM TOO SEXY!!!" Konan and Karin both yell out.

Deidara and Jiraiya then proceed to loudly gag. "Deidara's probably the hottest female in the room." Pain says with a chuckle. Deidara stares the stare of death at Pain as he flips him two middle fingers. "_FUCK YOU, I'M A MAN, UN!!!_" Deidara yells towards Pain.

"So says your long blond hair, eyeliner, petite frame, and perky breasts." Pain says non-chalantly towards Deidara. "How did you know my breasts were perky?" Deidara asks curiously.

Everyone else soon stops and turns ghost white from the shock of learning this information and proceed to gag loudly.

**"DEIDARA HAS PERKY BREASTS?!?!?!"**

Everyone says as they begin to dry heave at the thought. "And a huge dick as well, un!!!" Deidara replies in his defense. "If saying that makes you feel better." Pain says without missing a beat.

Deidara soon glares and storms off to the corner of the room to sulk. Hagane laughs out loud as he sighes. "Ok, now we are finished. Hope you guys had fun reading." Hagane says as everyone stares hardly at him.

"READERS?!?!?!?" Hagane sighs out loud to himself. "Well, anyways, goodbye until next time."


	2. Pardon the Interruptions

The room is soon set again and as one looks into it, you could notice that it's substantially larger than before. Standing next to Hagane, is a tall woman with slight feline features. Short, dark brown hair and slender eyes, she is lightly tanned and wearing basic jounin gear. Hikaru soon stretches and yawns. "Hello guys and welcome back to the Akatsuki Auditions." Hikaru says out towards the crowd of people with a smirk.

Pein soon stares blankly at Hikaru with confusion. "Who the fuck are you?" Pein asks with a confused look. Hagane simply shakes his head. "Oh, that's Hikaru. She's another omnipotent friend of mine."

Everyone in the room at that point audibly grumbles. Deidara soon blinks hardly a couple of times, staring at Pein. "What the fuck? Pein? What happened to your name?" Pein looks blankly at Deidara while shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know. Maybe the fucktard Host finally learned how to spell it."

Pein says while pointing an accusing towards Hagane. Hagane sighs and laughs to himself. "Actually, I think it's better to spell it this way than the other way. Don't blame me, blame the translators for the English Dub that fucked it up." Everyone in the room soon begins to nod in agreement and talk amongst themselves about this agreement.

**"THE TRANSLATED VERSIONS SUCK!!!!!! FUCK THE ENGLISH DUBS!!!!!!!"**

A random, booming voice from outside the room soon says as it echoes into the room. At hearing this, everyone nods some more and continues to agree with the knowledge beset upon them and chuckle. Soon enough however, a confused look is seen upon Jiraiya's face as he ponders what just happened. "Umm...who was that?" Jiraiya asks with a pure look of confusion. Soon enough, Hikaru chuckles and smiles towards Jiraiya. "Some random person from outside the room, duh."

Hikaru says in a very sing-song kind of way. Jiraiya stammers a bit, before pausing. He evently just stares blankly towards Hikaru before sighing. "...nevermind." Jiraiya said as he gave up. Pain soon shook his head. "Forget about it."

Pain says as soon, randomely, Deidara is pointing an accusing finger above Pain's head that says "Pain" on it. "Pain, your fucking name again." Deidara says while Pain looks towards the name above his head and grumbles. "Jackass Host, spell it right." Pain demands angrily as Hagane laughs to himself.

"I can spell your name anyway I want." Hagane says with a devious smile on his face. I'mAnUke soon looks at Hagane with intrigue. "Is that so?"

Everyone soon snickers and laughs as "I'mAnUke" appears above the leader of akatsuki's name. Konan blushes furiously with anger, Karin is laughing hysterically while playing dress-up with her Sasuke plushi, now dressing him in a schoolgirl outfit. Jiraiya grimaces and begins to gag at the thought. Deidara makes a clay clone that goes into a laughing fit and then explodes. Soon enough, "I'mASexyUke" appears above his head now and Deidara laughs so hard that he shoots clay out of his nose as even the mouth on his hand is laughing hysterically.

"Ok, you win." Pein says in defeat as the name disappears.

Soon enough though, Jiraiya blinks hardly and gives a confused look. "Wait a minute, how the hell is it that we can see your name anyway?" As Jiraiya says that, everyone blankly stares at each other. Hikaru shrugs her shoulders. "Well, moving on now, here is our next auditioner."

Hikaru says as soon enough, a large plume of purple smoke appears. A woman with soon emerges in fishnet stockings. "What the fuck? How did my sexy ass get in here?" Anko asks in confusion.

At hearing this, everyone begins to sigh and groan. Anko's eyebrow twitches a bit as she sighs. Everyone soon after shakes their head and Anko simply ignores them. "Hmph. Ok, why the fuck am I here though?" Hagane smirks towards Anko as he pointed above the door. There, was a sign that read "Welcome to the Akatsuki Auditions" and Hagane chuckled as she stared blankly at it. "These are the Akatsuki auditions you signed up for."

At this, Anko jolts to attention and begins to do a double take...followed by a triple take. "What the fuck are you talking about?" Anko said as she stared daggers towards Hagane.

Hikaru simply laughed and looked towards the leader. The word "Right" soon appears over his head. "So, yes or no?" Hikaru asks him. He soon takes the stamp to the board next to Anko's name as it clearly reads.

**ANKO: FAIL**

Right soon smirked towards Hikaru with a wiry smile on his face."No. Next."

Deidara soon stuttered a bit looking towards him.

"Your...nevermind."

Deidara said as he gave up. Soon enough, Right gave him an odd look and shrugged. "It's spelled wrong again I know."

He said as Deidara scoffed towards him. "Actually it's spelled right."

Deidara said casually as Right's eyebrow twitched excessively as he glared at Deidara.

"Then why are you bringing it up if it's spelled right?"

Right said as soon enough, Deidara's eyes widened in annoyance. "No, you fucking moron. Your name is ACTUALLY spelled R-I-G-H-T!!!" Deidara yells out while pointing an accusing finger at the name above his head.

Right simply looks up, swipes at the name, and it vanishes. Pein grumbles and soon realizes something while blankly staring at Deidara. "Hey, how come you've gone this long without saying un at the end of your sentences?"

Pein asks Deidara as Deidara actually takes some time to ponder this event. He actually takes around ten minutes before sighing and shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know, un."

At hearing this, everyone grumbles and mumbles to themselves in annoyance of what this has caused. Hagane soon shrugs his shoulders. "Well, Time for me to leave."

As Hagane says this, everyone stares at him in anger and confusion. "What? Wait."

Everyone said towards him before soon enough, he poofs out. Hikaru simply shrugs her shoulders. "Oh well. So, why refuse Anko?" Hikaru said towards Pein while he chuckled and shrugged his shoulders.

"One slut in Akatsuki is enough." As Pein says this, Konan flares up and stands behind Pein with furious fire in her eyes as she cracked her knuckles. "EX-FUCKING-CUSE ME?!?!?!" She yelled out towards Pein accusingly as Pein looked over towards her without a care.

"What now?" Pein asks in a bored tone as Konan stammers a bit while glaring towards Pein. She continues to try and conjure the words she wants in order to express her anger towards Pein but can't seem to find them. "Well, what is it you want?"

Pein asks her bluntly. Konan is completely caught off guard by this. And needless to say, she is a little confused and dumbfounded "What?" Konan asks in confusion towards Pein while he moves closer to her.

"Exactly. What. The. Fuck. Do. You. Want?" As he says this, Konan stammers a bit while thinking of what she wanted really. She soon glanced down towards Pein's legs and then, looked away violently while blushing. Karin scoffed at this display.

"Slut." Karin says bluntly with a grin.

Konan turns her back to her and laughs. "Like your one to talk." Konan says as Jiraiya nods sagely with a grin on his face.

"Oooo, Touche." At hearing this, Karin and Konan transform into flaming chibi's and glare down at Jiraiya with the pure wrath of female fury.

**"WHO THE FUCK WAS TALKING TO YOU??!?!?!"**

Jiraiya soon opens his mouth and screams a high-pitched scream like a little girl as he begins to run away from the flaming chibi Karin and Konan chasing him with tears going down his eyes. Karin and Konan continue to do this for ten minutes until they completely run out of energy. Jiraiya is soon seen cowering in the corner, sucking on his thumb. Anko soon jolts to attention as she realized something important wasn't addressed.

"Hey I'm not a...well...What's your definition of a slut then?" Anko asks towards Pein as Pein laughs to himself. "Someone that will fuck anyone, anytime, anywhere, just for the fun of it." At hearing this, Anko snaps her fingers and growls.

"Dammit." And as Anko says this, Konan and Karin soon giggle and point towards Anko. "See, your a slut too." They both say to her. anko chuckles to herself then. "Why would I be a slut "too" if you said you weren't sluts?"

Anko says without missing a beat as she gives a wide cheshire grin as she soon turns into a chibi wearing boxing gloves standing over two knocked chibi's of Karin and Konan as she knew she clearly won this agruement. Karin and Konan soon stammered and soon, turned towards each other.

"It's because she's the slut. NO YOU ARE?!?!? I'M NOT A SLUT, YES YOU ARE!!!!" They both yell while pointing to each other and slapping each other. Pein, in aggravation, throws a kunai in between them, seperating them. "Shut up. Your both sluts. Konan's my slut and Karin's Sasuke's slut. The only difference is that Anko was once Orochimaru's pedoslut and now, she's just everyone's slut."

At hearing this, Anko begins to phyically gag and choke as she glares at Pein. "WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERYONE THINK ME AND OROCHIMARU BANGED EACH OTHER?!?!?!?!" Pein soon in response points to Anko's neck casually.

"He gave you a Hickey." Anko, in reflex, grabs at her juin on her neck and scoffs. "It's a juin Dammit." Pein simply brushes her off. "If calling it that makes you feel better."

Hearing this, Anko smiles a wicked grin. "Oh yea, Sasuke has one too." Pein scoffs at this. Hikaru soon chuckles. "Yea but, everyone knows that Orochimaru fucked Sasuke all the time. It's a known fact." As soon as she said that, Sakura literally appeared out of nowhere and began to have a temper tantrum.

**"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! SASUKE-KUN ISN'T GAY!!!!!!!! HE'S GOING TO LOVE ME AND HAVE LOTS OF PINK HAIRED UCHIHA BOYS AND GIRLS WITH MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**

Everyone soon jolt upwards and turn towards the wailing Sakura. "How the fuck she get in here?"

Hikaru soon growled to herself. "Grr, I forgot. Anytime you say Sasuke is gay, no matter where, Sakura will randomely appear to spaz out and say he isn't and that she loves him."

At saying this, everyone grimaces and Pein looks over his shoulder in disdain towards Sakura. "Figures." Says as he turns back around. "Ok, off with you now, your not supposed to be here yet." Hikaru says as soon enough, Sakura poofs away. At this, everoyne dumbfoundedly and angrily glare twoards Hikaru.

"Hey, why does SHE get to leave?!?!!?!"" Everyone yells while staring at Hikaru. Hikaru merely chuckles. "She's not supposed to be here till later." At hearing this, everyone grumbles and groans. Hikaru merely shrugs. "Ok, so, the next person should get in here soon."

Everyone soon stands there and blankly stares at each other hile whistling for ten minutes. "Where the fuck is he?" After saying that, ten more minutes pass. Pein grumbles to himself. "I don't think he's-"

Pein is soon interrupted by Hikaru. "He is damn well coming. Now shut up before I make Karin believe your Sasuke." At hearing this, Pein begins to twitch uncontrollably and go into a seizure. Deidara as soon as he hears this, begins to roll on the ground and laugh hysterically. Meanwhile, Karin is too busy raping her Sasuke plushie in the corner of the room. Jiraiya soon gets a lightbulb over his head and a wide, ero-sennin grin on his face. "Say, If I keep talking, can you make her believe I'M Sasuke, teehee." Jiraiya says as soon enough, a couple drops of blood fal out of his nose.

Konan, Anko, and Pein stare at Jiraiya. Karin begins to twitch excessively and Deidara is still rolling on the ground laughing. "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?!?!" They all say as Karin begins to physically gag. "Fucking ewwww." She says as Jiraiya gets a sad, confused look on his face. "What? She has very nice...assets heehee...there almost as big as Tsunade's."

**"YOU FUCKING OLD, DIRTY, HENTAI!!!!!"**

Tsunade soon appears out of nowhere as a giant, flaming chibi with large black wings and darkened over eyes. "Tsunade, wait, I can-" Jiraiya is soon interrupted as she soon smashes Jiraiya in the face with a flaming fist of vengeance and fury.

"KYYYAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!" Tsunade screams out in rage as she soon sends Jiraiya right through the wall. A series of crashes is soon heard as Deidara stares at the wall in the wall revealing a long series of rooms Jiraiya was sent through.

"Exactly how fucking big is this place?" Deidara says in confusion. Pein looked dombfoundedly towards Hikaru. "Let me guess, anytime Jiraiya talks about Tsunade's tits, she'll come in and randomely clobber him, right?" Hikaru nods her head cheerfully.

"Yup." Pein growled a bit at learning this. "Ok, can you just tell us of all the particular random encounter...things already?" Pein asked as hikaru sighed in resignation.

"Fine. Saying Sasuke is gay causes Sakura to randomely come in and wail he isn't. Commenting about Tsunade's tit's well get her to randomely clobber you. Mentioning Ramen-"

Out of Nowhere, Naruto randomely appeared. "YAY, RAMEN, IDAKIMASU!!!" Naruto soon vanishes again. Hikaru continued on.

"Will cause Naruto to do what he just did. Saying the name Ino-pig or Billboard Brow out loud will cause Ino and Sakura to come in and randomely beat the shit out of each other."

Everyone soon becomes interested. "Really??!?!" Hikaru nodded her head up and down with a large smile. "Yup." Taking an opportunity, Deidara smiled widely. "Shut up already Billboard brow." Out of Nowhere, two engraged Ino and Sakura chibi's enter the room.

**"WHAT YOU SAY INO-PIG?!?!?"**

**"GET SOME TURTLEWAX TO SHINE THAT FOREHEAD, BILLBOARD BROW!!!!"**

Soon enough, everyone was sitting on a couch, each with a large bag of popcorn watching the fight. "Oooo...ouch." They all say in recognition to Ino's retort. Soon enough, Sakura and Ino begin to pummel each other. Ino uses her Shintenshin related jutsu to make Sakura twist, turn, and believe she's a five year old boy. Sakura uses medical jutsu to sever Ino's nerves in her legs and she falls to the ground, before Sakura hits the ground with her inhuman strength. Ino is soon sent flying by a catapult like effect and they both disappear. Deidara is soon seen standing up, clapping hardly and loudly. Anko is whistling while Jiraiya is hooting and hollering. Konan and Pein are busy making out on the couch and Karin is raping her Sasuke plushie under the couch.

"Now, THAT was ART, un!!!" Deidara yells out as soon enogh, Pein and Konan stop making out. "That definitely was entertaining. Any others?" Hikaru nods her head once more.

"Yup, mentioning Itachi at all will cause Sasuke to hit you with a Chidori, mentioning Naruto at all will randomely cause Hinata to rape you." As if seeing a golden opportunity, Jiraiya smiels widely. "Naru-"

He is soon interrupted by Hikaru. "Unless your forty or over..." At hearing this, Jiraiya slumps down in defeat and retreats into the corner of the room to whimper and sulk.

"And lastly, mentioning anything about the female anatomy will cause Jiraiya to get a nosebleed." Jiraiya soon turns away from the corner in confusion. "But, I'm right here-"

He is soon interrupted by an opportunist. "Giant jugs." Deidara yells out and soon enough, a giant spurt of blood shoots out of his nose. "What in the hell?" As he said that, another opportunist quickly caught on. "Perky nipples." Jiriaya soon profusely shoots a large stream of blood out of his nose. "Now, just a minute here..."

For ten minutes, everyone begins to mention random things to cause Jiriaya to spew blood out of his nose. Some of the choice words included clitoris, boobies, hammer tits, and various others. Soon after, noseblood was soon coating all of the walls in the room and Jiraiya was seen unconscious on the ground. "That was the most fun I've had in a while. If you time it right, you can make it rain in this room." Pein said in utter joy as everyone shudders at the thought.

Soon enough, a random person walks into the room. "So, are these where the auditions are?" Vash asks as he looks around.

Hikaru stares at him blankly. "And you are?" Vash shrugs his shoulders. "Vash."

Deidara soon stammers a bit and stares at him in confusion. "The gunguy from friggin Trigun?!?!" Vash stares at Deidara blankly. "Gun...guy?" Vash says in a curious tone.

Pein sighs audibly and turns to Vash. "So, what are your talents?" Pein asks in curiousity towards Vash. Vash shrugs. "I'm really, really good with a my guns." Pein stared at Vash with a distinctly bored look on his face. "Is that it?"

Vash gives Pein a dull look of confusion in counter. "You are not impressed?" vash asks in a curious tone. Pein then slams his head into the desk in aggravation and jolts up, giving Vash a completely unique look.

"Hellllllo, we're fucking...Ninja, ok?" Vash gives Pein a dumbfounded look. "And?" Pein throws his hands up in defeat before getting a brilliant idea. "Shoot me."

Pein says as soon enough, Vash pulls out his arm armed with a machine gun and fires at Pein, missing all the while. "See? We're ninja. We're fast, stealthy, lethal and-"

Pein is soon interrupted as he gets blasted into the wall, a large hole seen in his chest. Vash blows the smoke off his barrel and sighs. "Some ninja. You only dodged the first shots when I had THREE guns."

Konan soon puts her hand to her face and groans. "Why do I fuck such a moron?" At this point, everyone turns into giant chibi's and points accusing fingers at Konan. "SO YOU ARE HIS SLUT!!!!"

Konan now blushes furiously. Soon enough, Pein is brought back to life. He soon takes the stamp next to Vash's name as it reads.

**VASH: PASS**

Pein brushes off the burnt pieces of clothing on him and smiles. "Ok, welcome to Akatsuki." At this, Konan does a hundred-take towards Pein, unable to comprehend what she just heard.

"Your...fucking...joking...right?" Konan says with a slow drawl as Pein shakes his head. "Nope." Pein says casually as Konan falls to the ground comically. She soon rises back up in confusion.

"But he's not even from friggin Naruto!!!" Konan points out blatantly. "And your point is?"

At hearing this, Konan simply stares blankly at Pein as her eyes become white circles. "What's Akatsuki anyway?"

At hearing this, she points an accusing figner at Vash. "He doesn't even know who the hell we are!!!" Konan points out once again.

"Once again, your point is?" Pein asks her as she throws her hands up. "I give up" Konan says as she scampers off. Pein cocks a slight smile and sighs.

"It's about time she left me alone." As he says this, the storm's return and Konan twitches slightly before turning around VERY slowly. "What did you say?"

Pein, without missing a beat, chuckles. "It's about time you left me alone. Can you continue doing what you were doing a second ago? I'll call you if I need a blowjob or some pussy." At saying this, everyone grimaces a bit and stops as tumbleweeds fly by.

"Ooooo...ouch." They all say at once. Soon enough, Konan furiously heats up and soon enough, lights herself on fire before combusting and disentegrating into a pile of ashes.

"She really is made of paper then?" Everyone asks in confusion. Pein simply chuckles. "Does that...surprise you?" Hikaru sighed and looked at the clock.

"Well, anyway, time to go." Vash looks blankly at Hikaru. "Can I leave now then?" Hikaru laughs to herself. "Nope." Vash soon looks downwards. "Well that sucks..."

Karin soon points towards Vash. "Who the fuck is this guy?" Pein stares blankly at karin for a second. "Were you paying attention at all to what we were talking about?" Karin soon pulls out her Sasuke plushie which is now soaked through reasons you really don't want to know. "I was paying attention to my Sasuke Plushie."

Anko, Karin, and Deidara soon flinch and physically gag. "Eww." They all say. Jiraiya and Hikaru however, are drooling.

"Yummy." Both of them say as Karin, Konan, and Anko stare at her in confusion. "Your a lesbian?" Hikaru shakes her head.

"Nope." Karin soon stammers a bit. "Yoru bi then?" Hikaru shakes her head once more.

"Nope." Konan soon stammers a bit herself. "Then why did you think that was yummy?" Hikaru smiles widely while pointing at the plushie.

"I was talking about the plushie." Konan soon sighs.

"Oh..." Anko pauses for a moment staring at Konan. "Say, didn't you explode a few seconds ago?"

Konan nods her head. "Yes." Anko looks at her in confusion. "And your back to normal?" Anko asks as Konan nods again.

"Yup." Anko simply sighs and shakes her head. "This place is weirder than Orochimaru's playhouse." Everyone soon did a double take, staring at Anko.

**"WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!!?"**

Anko simply shrugged towards everyone. "Are you really surprised that he built one? I mean, Michael Jackson has a ferris wheel in his back yard." Everyone soon nods and agrees to each other.

"That is a very good point." Pein says in recognition. Konan soon comes in, blushing and pressing the tips of her index fingers against each other. "I think I have a fever." Pein smiles deviously towards Konan. "Your going to need your fluids then. Or rather, mine."

As he said that, everyone in the room physically shuddered. Konan turned a dark crimson red as she blushed and gasped. "We can't do that here." Konan whispers towards Pein. Soon enough, a lagre door appears on the wall in the back of the room. Above it, it had a sign that read "The Loveshack" and Hikaru grinned slightly.

"There, now you two have a loveshack." Konan and Pein proceed into the Loveshack giggling and fondling each other on the way. Jiraiya followed behind stealthily before Hikaru smashs him in the face with a large lion plushie. "It's called the Loveshack, not the wrinkled orgy shack. And besides, aren't you supposed to be unconscious?"

Jiraiya rubs his head and shrugs. "I regained it in time now let me in." Hikaru growls and soon, another door appears. This one says above it "Wrinkled Orgy Shack." Soon enough, Chiyo soon runs out in only a robe. "Hey there sexy." She says to him as Jiraiya looks horrified. "WAIT, NO-"

And it's too late as Chiyo drags him into the room and locks the door. Hikaru cringes before shrugging. "And that's all everyone. See ya later." Soon enough, Hagane appears out of nowhere. "So, what did I miss?"

Hagane asks as Hikaru shrugs. "Karin raping the plushies, Konan and Pein smex, Jiraiya bleeding to unconsciousness through his nose, and all of the interruptions." Hikaru says as Hagane smiles. "Got it." He soon disappears. Hikaru smiles and waves. "Well, goodbye."


	3. Enter the Sharingan

"There once was a Kage named Minamoto, who was the greatest of the Hokage.

He had fame, power and wealth beyond your wildest dreams.

Before he sacrificed him against the Kyuubi, these were the final words he said.

"This is the end of you Kyuubi-sensei. Now I shall leave your imprisonment in hand. For I'm going to leave you, in Naruto"

Ever since, shinobi from all over the world set their sights on Uzumaki Naruto, searching for Kyuubi, the power that will make their dreams come true.

Hai!

Dattebay-o Dattebay-o!

Dreamin', don't give it up Naruto.

Dreamin', don't give it up Sakura.

Dreamin', don't give it up KAKASHI-I-I-I-I!

Dreamin', don't gi-give it up give it up give it up give it up give it-no!

Here's how the story goes we find out, about a power in Naruto there's no doubt.

The shinobi whose eyes on it he'll sing "I'll be Hokage, That is my dream!"

Dattebay-o, Dattebay-o, Dattebay-o, uh-oh.

His name is Naruto (that's Uzumaki Naruto)

Goin' to be the greatest Hokage.

He's got infinite chakra (How did that happen)

Yo-ho-ho, he got the Kyuubi inside him

Dattebay-o Dattebay-o

His name Kakashi, he's just like a mime.

And a L.A.D.Y, Sakura's not worth your time.

Sai's doing that Yaoi art thing, Jiraiya's peeping, Tsunade's gambl-ing

Dattebay-o, Dattebay-o, Dattebay-o, uh-oh

Set sail for the Kyuubi, it's the name of the Beast

In Uzumaki N-A-R-U-T-O!!!!!

Dattebay-o, Dattebay-o, set sail for the Kyuubi!

LAST TIME, on Akatsuki Auditions. A new godly host entered the room and soon, things got hectic. Pein stood no match against the powerful name changing powers of Hagane and admitted defeat when Hagane unleashed the I'mAnUke upon him. A mysterious power soon brings Jiraiya unconscious by nosebleed and Konan and Pein proceed to make smex in the loveshack, while Jiraiya is made into Chiyo's orgy slave. Vash, the Gun using pussy from Trigun is shockingly made into a member of Akatsuki and the mysterious power continued to wreck havoc within. Ino and Sakura did battle and the battle was ended before a winner could be decided. And Konan's rage caused her to burn up and combust. What will happen next? Come along and find out.

Soon enough, the room becomes visible and a new person is in there, blankly staring at Hikaru. Sasuke soon gives her an aggravated growl. "Um, what the fuck was that for?" Sasuke asks as a vein in his forehead pulses slightly. Hikaru giggles a bit.

"Ah come on, don't be like that. I thought that intro was cute." Sasuke's eyebrow begins to twitch a little. "Cute? What the fuck are you talking about?" Hikaru soon begins to coo. "It was so adorable, best song I've heard for an intro in a awhile." Hikaru says with a girly giggle as Sasuke shakes his head. "I think I'm bleeding from my ears." As soon as Sasuke says that, Itachi appears out of nowhere. "You and me both brother." At this, Sasuke turns into a giant silent screaming chibi while pointing an accusing finger at Itachi.

"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BRING ITACHI HERE?!?!?" Hikaru soon giggles and blows Itachi a kiss. "Why not, he's a tall and mysterious pile of smex."

At that, Sasuke merely scoffs. "He's gay though." Hikaru simply shrugged as she put her finger to her lips. "Still makes good eye candy though, yum!" Itachi stares blankly towards them. "I am actually bis-" Sasuke soon interrupts blatantly. "Name any women you've had sex with and Deidara doesn't count."

Sasuke says as he laughs in Deidara's direction. "Hey, fuck you, un!!" Deidara says as he soon crafts a C2 bird made of clay and ponders whether he should use it or not. Itachi sighs as he reaches int his pocket. "Well..."

Itachi says as he pulls out a large scroll.Itachi soon unravels a massive scroll filled with women's names on it. Sasuke twitches as he reads it. "Rape doesn't count either."

By a mysterious force it would seem, the scroll quickly ravels itself up, till it only shows one name. Sasuke sighs. "Ok, nevermind..." Sasuke says as he stops and reads the name, before twitching some more.

**"WAIT, IS THAT FRIGGIN SAKURA-CHAN ON YOUR LIST!?!?!?!?"**

Itachi soon chuckles as he pockets the scroll. "You left her for the pickings so I had my way with her. She couldn't walk straight for three weeks." Itachi says with a smirk as Sasuke twitches. While hearing this, Hikaru smiles widely at the thoughts in her head. Soon enough, Kisame appears out of the darkness.

"HEY, I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!!!!!!!" Itachi soon looks down towards the ground in shame.

"Kisame, I do." Kisame soon gives Itachi and pouty face, before grinning. "Oh, your getting the Samehada tonight Itachi-kun."

At hearing this, Everyone in the room turns ghostly white and twitches. Itachi is giving Kisame a knowing smile.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Kisame-seme." Hearing this, everyone begins to have full out convulsions and gran mal seizures. Soon enough, Jiraiya appears out of nowhere with a strange look on his face.

"Say, does anybody find it odd that Itachi keeps on him a list of all the women he's raped?" At saying this, everyone becomes confused. Everyone turns to Itachi and he simply shrugs. Soon enough, Deidara breaks the silence. "Say, does anyone know where Pein and Konan are?"

As is summoned by their names, Konan and Pein enter the room, coming out of the door labeled the Loveshack. Pein is sweating a little while Konan is falling apart almost and all wrinkled up and loose. However, her legs and face seem to be sticking together very firmly due to reasons you really don't want to know. "Oh nevermind. Pein, you look like your in...Pain hahahahaha." Deidara says bluntly as Pein doesn't even bother. Karin soon giggles. "Ah, Pein-sama, did that slut give you a papercut on your naughty spot?" As soon as Karin finishes, Konan is burning with fury.

"DO YOU REALLY WANNA FUCKING DIE BITCH??!?!?!? LET'S GO, RIGHT NOW!!!! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU AGAIN YOU GODAMMN FUCKI-" Konan is soon interrupted as Pein randomely liplocks with Konan and the two furiously begin to make out. As they stop ten seconds later, Pein smiles towards her.

"Better?" He asks as Konan nods gingerly. Pein twitches a little then. "Sama? If I'm old, then your a virgin."

With that, everyone soon laughs towards Karin as she angrily twitches. Konan on the other side of the room is pointing and laughing at her in victory before Karin shrugs it off. Hikaru soon sighs to herself. "Well, anyway I believe it is time for our first-"

**"SASUKE-KUN!!!!!!!"**

Karin yells out interrupting Hikaru as she sprints towards Sasuke. "Bitch, get away from me." Sasuke says as soon enough, he grows very angry at Karin attempting to rape him.

"Mangekyo Sharingan. Tsukiyomi." Sasuke says as Karin stops. For five seconds, she stops. Before she suddenly screams and falls unconscious. Everyone looks at Sasuke blankly. "What did you do?" Hikaru asks him as he shrugs. "I made her believe she was raping Jiraiya for 288 hours." Everyone shuddered at that.

"HEY, I'M NOT THAT BAD!!!!" Jiraiya protests in his defense. Itchi stares blankly at Sasuke. "288? Isn't it supposed to be 72?" Sasuke chuckled. "One second equals 72 hours in Tsukiyomi brother."

Itachi nods before he soon gives Sasuke a confusing look. "Say, how did you gain the Mangekyo Sharingan?" Sasuke chuckles. "I killed my best friend like you brother." Sasuke said as Itachi laughed. "Naruto is still alive foolish brother." Sasuke laughs to himself at this.

"No, I found a new best friend and killed him." Sasuke says as he points towards a massive pile of blown up jars of Vasoline. Jiraiya shudders while everyone else gags. Itachi soon stares at Sasuke. "I will kill you before you get too powerful. Mangekyo Sharingan."

Itachi says as he soon gets into a Mangekyo battle with Sasuke, CHIBI STYLE!!!! Soon enough, two Chibi's with Mangekyo begin getting into a massive slap fight with each other while everyone stares blankly at them, until Sasuke wins.

"But...how..." Itachi says as Sasuke laughs. "Foolish older brother, your Mangekyo grows weak. For, in order to gain it, you must kill your best friend. However, you gained a new lover, who is also your best friend and seme. And thus, your Mangekyo weakens and you will never defeat me while Kisame lives." Sasuke says as Itachi turns to Kisame.

"Your not thinking about-" Itachi shakes his head. "I have better things to do than care about my brother's foolish attempts to kill me. At least for right now I do, Kisame-seme." Itachi says with a knowing grin as Kisame laughs.

**"HURRAY, TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!!!!!!! HURRAY, TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!!!!!!!"**

Soon enough, the echo of Tobi's booming mating call is heard throughout the room as Tobi appears out of nowhere. "Tobi, why the fuck are you here?" Deidara says in disdain as Tobi begins to dance and clap walking towards Deidara.

"But Deidara-sempai, Tobi's a good boy. Tobi wants to be a good boy. Don't you think I'm a good boy Deidara-sempai?" Tobi asks cheerily as he's quite literally bouncing off the walls with joy. "Why the fuck is Tobi like that?" Hikaru soon whispers to Sasuke.

"His mask is actually a highly advanced administration system for an infinite amount of Red Bull and Cocaine." Sasuke replies as Hikaru nods her head. Meanwhile, Deidara is getting angry. "No Tobi, I don't think your a goddamn mother fucking good boy, un!!!!" Deidara says in aggravation as Tobi looks at Deidara in confusion.

"Aww, Deidara-sempai, don't say that. Tobi is a good boy, he swears it, yes he does. Deidara-sempai, do you want to hold my package for me?"

At this, Deidara does a double take. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO HOLD?!?!?!? NO, I WILL NOT HOLD YOUR FUCKING BALLS TOBI!!!!" Deidara yells out in anger. "Balls, Tobi doesn't know what Deidara-sempai is talking about. Tobi only wants to know if Deidara-sempai would like to Hold Tobi's package."

At saying this, Tobi pulls out a random Fed-Ex box towards Deidara. "It's got lots of clay in it Deidara-sempai, do you want to hold it? I promise, Tobi's a good boy."

Tobi says as Deidara stares dumbfoundedly at Tobi for a good general amount of time, before snatching the box and dancing to the corner of the room. Itachi soon sighs. "Why is Tobi here again?" Hikaru giggles. "Because he makes me laugh my ass off." At that, various people begin to laugh. Tobi is seen bouncing off the walls some more when soon enough, A random naked Sasuke and Sai are making out in front of Itachi. Itachi, Kisame, Karin, and Hikaru all soon enough get nosebleeds and begin to giggle.

"Wooo, show me that stuff."

"Hey there Boys, looking sexy."

"Sasuke-kun, let me be the creme filling."

And various other cheers were heard from them as soon, Sasuke is staring at...Sasuke and Sai making out and twitches incredibly. "WHAT THE FUCK, I'M RIGHT HERE!!!!" Sasuke yells out and Hikaru gives a confused look.

"Two Sasukes, Sai, and Itachi all in the same room. Yummy yummy yummy." Karin is soon doing double takes in between the Two Sasukes. "Awww, I can't decide which Sasuke-kun I want though." Karin says as she begins to pout. Sasuke soon stops and angrily slams the ground.

**"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!!!!!!"**

Sasuke boomed out as soon enough, a poof of smoke appeared around the nekkid Sasuke and Sai and soon enough, Konohamaru appeared doing a very Gai-like pose. "Ta-dah, that's my Yaoi no Jutsu, capable of crippling any kunoichi effortlessly. Say, why is that blond girl in the corner not affected?"

Konohamaru asks as Deidara twitches. "I'm a Goddamn man, un!!!" Deidara says defensively as Konohamaru laughs. "Yay, and old lady Tsunade's breasts are not saggy or wrinkled." Konohamaru said as soon enough, everyone backed away from him. Soon enough, Tsunade appeared out of nowhere.

"YOU DAMN DEMON CHILD HENTAI!!!! HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT ME LIKE THAT?!?!?!?" She roared as Konohamaru audibly gulped and sweat. "Tsunade-sama, please, I was only kidding."

Konohamaru said as he tried to back away but it was too late.

"KYYYYAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"

Tsunade said as soon enough, she slammed a single finger into Konohamaru's head and send him flying into a wall, before disappearing. "Hey, you old bat, who do you think you are, picking on a little kid? Your an even bigger witch than I thought." Konohamaru said before noticing she was gone.

"What the fuck, where the hell she go?" At hearing this, everyone gasped a little. "What the fuck? Since when did Konohamaru swear?"

Itachi says as soon enough, Kisame stops and realizes something. "Say, how do you know what Sai and Sasuke look like when their naked? Love the show but honestly, I didn't know you were into boys." At hearing this, Konohamaru starts to panic.

"DON'T BLAME ME, IT WAS NARUTO'S IDEA!!! I LIKE GIRLS!!!!" And after saying that, Konohamaru randomly goes up to Konan and gropes her breasts while making out with her.

"Holy..." Deidara says.

"Fucking..." Karin says.

"Shit..." Sasuke says as they all say it one after another.

"He's a fucking dead kid." Pein says as soon enough, Konan throws Konohamaru off her. Instead of getting mad, Konan blushes.

"If that wasn't a great fucking kiss, you'd be dead now. Consider yourself lucky." At this, Konohamaru sighs and walks off. Soon enough, Hikaru shrugs. "Now, for our next Auditioner...I'll force him to arrive." And soon enough, Shikamaru appears out of nowhere. "How troublesome."

**SHIKAMARU: FAIL**

Pein stamps on the board as shrugs. "Good, can I leave now?"

Shikamaru says as Hikaru shakes her head. "Nope. Why fail?" Pein chuckles. "Members need ambition. He has none. Plus, we have enough men with ponytails as it is."

Pein says with a chuckle while Deidara is too busy making a clay Sakura. Hikaru simply smiles as soon enough, Vash stares at Shikamaru.

"You don't wanna be here?" Shikamaru nods. "It's so troublesome."

Vash smirks. "I feel the same way, wanna make out?" Shikmaru laughs a little. "I'll pass on that, sorry. I wouldn't even make out with Deidara and he's almost as pretty as Ino."

At this, Deidara twitches. "Almost as pretty as Ino? Goddammit, I'm sexier than that bitch and you know it, un." Shikamaru laughs.

"So, your a sexier girl than Ino?" Deidara smirks. "I'm twice as sexy as...wait a minute...I'm a man goddammit, How many times to I have to say it, I'm a man, un." Deidara says as he recovers from the statement.

Soon enough, Hikaru shrugs. "So, are there anymore sexy ladies coming in Hikaru-chan?" Is asked as soon enough, Jiraiya appears out of nowhere. "No. Our next auditioner will now appear." Sasuke says as soon enough, a little boy with red hair emerges.

"SASORI-SEMPAI!!!!" Deidara squeels as he sees Sasori appear. "Another dead member?" Pein says with a grunt.

"You took me away...from my Pledge storehouse...I will kill you all...and make you into fine puppets..." Sasori says as everyone backs away a little. Deidara squeels again.

"Well said Sasori-sempai, well said." Sasori glances over towards Deidara. "No more teases...Deidara, please be silent." Saosri says as Deidara gives him a confused look.

"But sonna-" Sasori soon snaps.

"Secret Moose Art: DEIDARA FUCKING DIE!!!! no Jutsu" Sasori says as soon enough, Deidara dies.

Soon enough, Hikaru brings him back to life. "What the fuck was that?" Everyone began to ask as Hikaru sighed. "I'll tell you later. Pass or fail?"

**SASORI: FAIL**

At this, Hikaru just nods. Pein shrugs as soon, Anko appears. "Wow...you gots lots of toys...looks kinky."

Anko said towards Sasori with a wink. "Fuck off woman...I need...furniture polish...pledge...Tompson's water seal...now..."

As he says that, Anko holds up numerous bags with those items in them as Sasori dances with delight.

"Not so fast my puppety friend, we do things my way first and then, you get your stuff." Sasori growls at this. "I could turn you into a puppet right now you know." At saying this, Anko grins. "If that means you get to shove your hand up inside me and play with me all day, then be my guest."

At hearing that, everyone shudders. Soon enough, Sasori begins moving his hands in a wax on, wax off type movement. "Well?" Anko asks him curiously.

"I will resist your blackmail of me woman...or try to...wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off..." Sasori begins to chant with Anko grinning and sitting right beside him. At this, Sasuke twitches. "Our next auditioner is here now, isn't that right Kakashi-sensei?" Sasuke says pointing over towards Kakashi.

"Well hello Sasuke. Nice to see you doing well. I thought by now you would have run home like a little girl after being raped by Orochimaru and Karin combined." Kakashi replies cooly as Sasuke twitches a bit. Soon enough, Pein smirks.

**KAKASHI: PASS**

At this, everyone begins to stammer.

"WHY?!?!?"

Various people ask. "He's a powerful shinobi." Itchi scoffs. "We've already got enough Sharingan in here and he's only got one." However, Kakashi wasn't paying attention as he stared at Jiraiya.

"I DEMAND YOU GIVE IT TO ME, I'LL PAY YOU ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY!!!!"

Kakashi is yelling at Jiraiya as Jiraiya shakes his head, guarding a large box with his life. "Nope, my secret and ultimate private stash of one of a kind Icha Icha Torment is NOT FOR SALE!!!" Jiraiya replies as Kakashi squirms.

"I'll give you anything I swear...Summoning Jutsu!!!" Kakashi says as soon enough, Pakkun and all of his ninja hounds soon appear. "Want puppies?" Kakashi asks nervously as Pakkun shakes his head. "What's going on here? Kakashi, why you summon us? Need us to help you in combat against all these enemeies? I smell so many evils in this room."

As he says that, Shikamaru sighs towards him. "Kakashi-sensei is trying to sell all of you to Jiraiya for his ultimate stash of Icha Icha." As Shikamaru said that, Pakkun growled and lowered his head. "You've really gone off the deep end, haven't you Kakashi?" Pakkun says towars him in shame as Jiraiya shakes his head.

"No Deal. End. Of. Story." Kakashi begins to panic as he unsummons his dogs, before he gets an idea. "I'll give you my Sharingan."

At this, everyone spazzes out.

"Wait...are you serious?" Jiraiya asks him as soon enough, he drags Karin over to him and smiles.

"Yes. Karin, switch me and Jiriaya's eyes." At this, Jiraiya thought for a moment. "Deal."

And soon enough, Karin put up a barrier and began operations. Ten minutes later, they emerge. Kakashi having two NORMAL eyes and Jiraiya having one Sharingan eye. "Here, you might need this." Kakashi says, handing him the headband he used to use to cover it. Soon enough, while Jiraiya was putting it on, Kakashi stole the large crate and began to sing and dance with Glee.

"Did that just happen?" Sasuke says as he puts his hand to his face. Meanwhile, Tobi soon appears next to Kakashi.

"YOU BASTARD, YOU TRADED THE EYE I GAVE YOU FOR PORN?!?!?!?!" As everyone turn to stare at Tobi, he smiled. "I Mean, Tobi's a good boy."

He said as everyone shuddered and Kakashi stared at him wide-eyed. "Obito? Is that Really-"

Kakashi was soon interrupted as another Tobi seemed to enter the room. "YAY, Tobi's a good boy." He said as everyone looked confused. The most confused were in fact, Tobi and...Tobi.

"Hey, you look just like Tobi. Tobi is a good boy. Does that mean you are a good boy too?" The other shook his head. "Nope, not one bit. This is getting too confusing, you think we should become the ultimate good boy though?"

At saying this, everyone blinked. "Yay, Tobi and Tobi become ultimate good boy!!" The first said as they nodded and stood next to each other. They soon began a Dance.

**"FUUUUUUUUU..."**

**"SSSSSSIIIIIOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN..."**

**"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"**

They said as they danced towards each other, put their two fingers together, and fused into each other.As they finished, everyone looked at them. Now, Tobi had his mask on with two eye holes, one with a Sharingan, and the other with a...Blue Sharingan. "Oh yea...you better know it...Tobito's the ultimate good boy." At seeing this, everyone was surprised they weren't convulsing at the sight. "What the hell, you can't do-" Deidara tried to say as Tobito glanced at him.

"Spoiler Style: Sharingan Pawnage." Tobito says as soon enough, Deidara drops to the ground, convulsing. "What the hell just happened to him?" Tobito chuckled. "I made him believe he was putting clay into his chest, blowing up, and being brought back to relive it again for 72 hours." At this, Itachi twitched.

"That's the Tsukiyomi..." At hearing this, Tobito laughed. "No, unlike the Tsukiyomi, I don't need the Mangekyo for it and, don't go blind for using it." Karin stammered a bit at Tobito. "That's cheating though. You better not touch Sasuke-kun." Tobito laughs at her. "Or what?" Karin stammers a bit. "Don't make me-"

Karin is stopped as Tobito looks into her eyes. "Uchihacest no Jutsu." He says as soon enough, Karin is forced into an illusionary world of watching Itachi rape Sasuke until it's cancelled. "That was just cruel..." Jiraiya says as he looks at Tobito. Soon enough, Kakashi smirks. "So, your blue Sharingan allows you access into the the powers of the Spoiler and the Moose, huh?" At this, everyone blinked.

"The what and the what?" Hikaru sighes. "Their two powers that exist all around us. Simply saying something causes it to happen, or revealing something to someone makes it happen with the Moose while the Spoiler merely stuns and damages them with it." At this, everyone nodded though not understanding anything. "Observe. Spoiler no Jutsu. Jiraiya, Pein kills you."

At hearing this, Jiraiya gets blown into the wall. Sasuke chuckles at this before Jiraiya recovers. "Heh. Your not the only one child. Lemon no Jutsu. Vash, Pein is going to rape you." Vash smirked towards him. "Secret Moose Art: Crossover Immunity."

Jiraiya twitched a bit at hearing that."Say...I wonder what this thing can really do...I got it." Jiraiya says as soon enough, he bites his finger and slide it down his crotch and then performs a series of handsigns.

**"SUMMONING JUTSU: ICHA ICHA HAREM PORTAL!!!!! YEAH BABY!!!!!"**

Jiraiya says as soon enough, using the summoning jutsu and Kakashi's former Mangekyo Sharingan, Jiraiya opens a portal. And out of it, dozens of gorgeous, nude women pop out. "Ooooo, Jiraiya-kun, your so handosome and strong and sexy...can you teach us how to be sexy like you?" At this, Jiraiya's had so much blood shoot out of his nose that he would be in denial...And it isn't a state of mind either.

"HAHAHHAHAHA, LADIES, LADIES, LADIES, LADIES, JIRAIYA, THE GREAT TOAD SAGE AND STRONGEST OF THE LEGENDARY SANNIN, IS HERE AND WILL TEACH YOU EXACTLY WHAT SEXY MEANS!!!!!!" Jiraiya yells out as he soon takes them all by their arms into the Loveshack. Hikaru simply shrugs.

"I'll give him a break I suppose." She says with a smirk as she soon smiles. Tobito looks at all this before soon enough, splitting into Tobi and...Obito...or Obito and Tobi...or Tobi and Tobi...or Obito and Tobi...yeah, it's kind of hard to figure that out at this point. Kakashi soon blinks a couple of times. "I don't care, I still have my...literature...to tend to."

At this, Deidara scoffs. "Ah, and our last Auditioner of the day is about to arrive." Sasuke said as soon enough, Haku walked into the room. At this point, everyone smiled and didn't wuite know why. "Kisame-san, have you seen Zabuza-kun?" He immediately asks as Kisame shakes his head. "Nope, not hide nor hair of him kiddo." As soon as he said that, Pein smirked.

**HAKU: FAIL**

At this, Hikaru raised an eyebrow. "Why fail him...her...Haku?" Hikaru asked as Pein shrugged. "Cute and Akatsuki don't work together." At this, Hikaru nodded.

"Good point." Soon enough, Haku walked over towards Shikamaru. "Why are you here?" Haku asked as Shikamaru sighed. "I was forced her. You?" Haku smiled. "Zabuza-kun said he would come by here sometime." At this, Shikamaru nodded. "How troublesome..." Haku smiled towards him. "Do you think he will think I am pretty?" Haku asked Shikamaru in a curious tone. "I don't know, I don't rate if guys are pretty or not...or wait...you are a guy right? Gah, how troublesome..." Shikamaru said as Haku giggled. "Wanna find out?" At this, Shikamaru stood up.

"Sure, why not. Might as well, right?" And soon, Haku and Shikamaru skipped to a random room to discover the truth. Meanwhile, Anko was still talking to Sasori. "So, that's why you make puppets? Gee, who would have known?" Anko said toward shim with a smirk. "And they still don't help the loneliness...and now...I need to maintain them...constantly...and myself...you have no idea how many times a day I have to wax myself on and off."

Anko grinned evilly at the way that sounded as everyone gagged. "I here you there. Snakes don't help my loneliness either. In honesty, we both are scary and lonely people aren't we? Wanna fuck?" Sasori shrugged. "Sure, why not." And soon, Sasori and Anko went off into a seperate room to engage in some S&M smex time. Hikaru and Sasuke blinked a couple of times.

"Well, that's everyone then I suppose." Sasuke blinked a couple of times."Wait a minute...if Kakashi-sensei doesn't have the sharingan anymore, is he even still powerful?" Soon enough, Kakashi did a couple of handsigns.

"Secret Ninja Art of the Hatake Clan, Activate White Wolf." At saying this, Kakashi's muscles bulged and he grew a thin layer of gray fur on his body. His eyes slitted more and he grew very sharp fangs and claws. "What...that...did Kakashi...nevermind. Goodbye everyone."


End file.
